24/ 52

"a portrait of my husband, each week, every week in 2013"

The Fathers Day edition.  I am so beyond happy that this handsome man is Quinnes daddy.  He is thoughtful and caring.  He loves his Quinney Bear so much it makes my eyes get all teary.  I love watching them play together and go on adventures.  I love hearing about all the fun things they get to do when I'm off at work.  David is an amazing dad.  He is dedicated to his family and for that I will forever be thankful.  

I love you, David.

You are incredible.

life lessons

Stop caring about what other people think of you.  

A small little sentence that has taken me just about thirty years to accept and do.

It seems like something that I should've realized a long time ago.  Something that has always rung through my ears and heart but with little action on my part.  It's a very safe and true statement to say that I am a people pleaser.  Rarely do I defend myself when I know I'm not the one in the wrong, saying sorry over and over until I can't say it enough.  I want to be everyones friend and I want everyone to think that I'm a good person.  Because, to tell you the truth, I am a good friend and a good person.  I have many many flaws just like the next person but that doesn't make me bad or wrong.  I have made so many mistakes it gives me a stomach ache, but I can't go back in time to fix them.  We are only left with the lesson we hopefully learned and a new chance to start over.

I am thankful that each day is new.  I am thankful that my past has brought me to this exact place in time.  I feel like I have aged twenty years in just a month.  Things that I have been questioning and looking for answers to have shown themselves to me.  I feel wise and confident about my future.  I know not everyone is going to like me throughout my life and I can't be everyones friend.  But for those that I get to have relationships with I desire them to be strong, uplifting relationships.  I feel a change in my heart of who I want to be from here on out.  I want to be someone people can come to for encouragement and a hug.  I want to be wise.  I want to ignore petty, hurtful things that come my way and remember I am a good person with a good heart.

I'm challenging myself to stop dwelling on the past and the weight that is on my heart.  So often I forget that I am a good person who loves her family and friends fiercely.  I would give my life for a friend.  The shirt off my back.  It's so easy to run yourself into the ground and let hurtful things eat away at you.  The insecurities of others can be a vicious tool in bringing you down.  Sadly,  I have let my own insecurities hurt relationships and many times peoples insecurities have hurt me deeply.  I'm looking for a fresh start and wanting to stay true to myself and who I want to be.  I owe that to myself.  And I owe it to Quinne, or any other kids we may have someday.  To be strong and not waiver who you are for the sake of making other people happy.

Blogging fail

I have been a really bad little blogger lately.  It's sad to say that I'm in a little funk, but it's the truth.  I have had zero motivation to write what is on my heart or what is going on in Quinnes life.  I'm so tired all the time and I feel a lot of change happening in my life which makes for a great deal of distraction.  

Quinne is feisty and sassy and is kicking my ass these days.   The saying "terrible twos" might be a real thing, come to find out!  And we're not even there yet!!  My patience is running so thin most days and I feel horrible writing that I struggle keeping my cool all day long.  But I really do.  All I can do is watch the clock and pray that it will speed up and she can be in bed, me sitting on the couch with a good book.  I don't want to miss out on anything, just maybe the self inflicting slaps and head banging when we tell her no.  This is a great lesson I'm learning and she is here teaching me about patience and selflessness.  I wish that it came easier to me and I could keep my cool like so many moms out there, but that's not me, clearly and I need to accept and move on.  

Besides Q making me never want to be in public with her ever again, I am going through changes in my personal life and growth that scare me and excite me all at the same time.  For some time now I've been looking at myself with a magnified mirror(so to speak),  examining the things that aren't so pretty and focusing on bettering them.  Trying to better them, praying and thinking about how to better them.  It's a long road and sometimes scary realizing that things will, and already have changed.  I'm looking forward to the future and believe I'm going to do good in my life.  Not just for me but for my family.  

What a boring and somewhat vague post!

23/ 52

"a portrait of my husband, each week, every week in 2013"

When he gest to be home more I will be so happy and relieved.  I feel like we haven't hung out in so long and it makes me really sad.  Life is busy enough, add David being gone so much and you end up feeling lonely and sad.  In my perfect world we would get to eat dinner every night together and I wouldn't have paranoia that keeps me up all night because of  loud noises I heard in the garage.  (Good thing it was just the neighbors cat.)  That's what I'm choosing to believe anyways!  

the sweetest bum

Is there really anything better than a babies bottom?  There are very few things that make me smile so big.

sundays and lemonade

My days filled with warm weather and family are the ones I get up in the morning for.  The ones I can't wait for during the week.  If life could be one big Sunday I think I would be in heaven.
One of the best features of Atascadero, well they're aren't that many, are the hot summers and the perfect warm breeze.  It also makes for the perfect evenings in the whole world.

Down the street from my parents the neighborhood kids were having a lemonade stand.  And let me just say how much I love lemonade stands.  I really really love them!  Driving past a little table with homemade, slightly warm lemonade and eager kids makes me so happy.  I want to purchase a cup from them every time I drive by.  So when we got the chance to walk a bathing suit clad baby down the street for a cup, we didn't waste anytime.  

I hope one day, when Quinne is old enough and wants to make a little cash we live somewhere where she can have a stand of her own.  And I'm going to make the best batch of lemonade for her to sell.

22/ 52

"a portrait of my husband, once a week, each week in 2013"

After being a chauffeur to some crazy girls after a mini bachlorette party this guy deserves some much needed spicy Bloody Mary.  I'm happy I got to steal him away for a few hours alone this morning.  He's the man.