On beautiful days I'm reminded of how wonderful this life is. I have so many things to be grateful for. It's so nice to sit in the sunshine and take a deep breath. It's so refreshing what a deep breath can do for you. Quinne loves to be outside so we took advantage today...
I just can't wait for summer! Quinne we are going to do so many fun things together I can hardly stand it! Happy Spring.
I love to read. Fiction, non fiction, memoirs, best sellers, and not so best sellers. But if it's meant to be for a young adult then I'm instantly intrigued. There's something about those teen love triangles that really sparks my interest. So when my client told me about Hunger Games I was on board. I read them over a year ago when I was first pregnant and bound to my bed from my horrible morning(all day long) sickness. They were finished in a week and I was so sad it was over. But to my great surprise and delight they were made into a movie. yes yes yes!!! And it was such a good movie. Seriously so well done. It was comparable to Harry Potter books turned to movies and a million times better than Twilight books turned to movies. I just revealed my level of dork. To further my dork status we bought our tickets two weeks in advance and showed up an hour and a half early to wait in line. Because getting good seat is extremely important and we are awesome. So go see it even if you didn't read the books, you'll love it!
Now on to Quinne! I can't believe she is almost six months old. So it makes sense that she's starting to do really cool big girl things. Like ROLLING OVER!!! I'm not sure I'm ready. These milestones in her life are so amazing to watch and be apart of. It makes me so happy and proud of her. She is healthy and growing good and strong and accomplishing everything she is supposed to, yet it's a constant reminder of her growing up. Just when I get a handle on my crazy mom side she does something new and cute and I just die all over again. It's so fun being a mom and getting to cheer her on. David captured a little clip of her last night. She looks like a crazy baby with glowing eyes but seeing her so proud of herself makes me melt. And I sound a little nuts in the background. My laugh sounds hysterical and I'm sure it's due to the fact that I want to cry/scream/laugh all at the same time.
Quinne you are a dream come true. I love you baby girl.
On me: sweater:F21/ blouse:target/ jeans:Levis/ booties:Dolce Vita/ jewlery: elladolce
On Quinne: jammies! It was a gloomy morning
So this is my first time linking up to Harpers happenings and I'm pretty excited about it! It's a fun thing to be apart of and I love reading Mandys blog, I imagine we would get along over a glass of wine quite well.
I don't have any exciting adventures to share about our Saturday. David and I both work. Good thing I love my job because I'd probably be bitter about all the fun everyone was having on sunny Saturday afternoons. And it's the start of wedding season. Which means brides almost every weekend. I still get flustered and sweaty palmed the night before doing wedding hair. It always goes well, there's just so much pressure. Nobody wants a crappy 'do' with bobby pins hanging on for dear life and wisps of runaway hairs glowing in pictures. Yep, there's pressure.
David and I ended the night with our favorite kind of dinner. Breakfast. There's something so wonderful about eating pancakes for dinner, and we didn't have any dinner kind of food.
I waited almost six months to write about Quinnes birth. In a way I'm happy I waited, because so many memories have revisited me since that day(s) and I want to share all the details. Hopefully one day Quinne will like to read this, and not be grossed out.
I can remember the day I went into labor perfectly. Partly because I was almost two weeks late so I was praying for that moment to come sooner than later. And because I didn't enjoy being pregnant, so I was praying for that moment to come sooner than later! I had gotten up to go to the bathroom for the millionth time around four in the morning and on my way back to bed I peed my pants. So I thought. I was so tired and at that point convinced that I was going to be pregnant forever. I went back to sleep and was woken up by a gush of water. Yep, my water was breaking. Wooo! It was six thirty now and I told David what was going on. We decided to wait and call the doctor when his office opens at eight thirty since I wasn't in too much pain and my contractions were not consistent. I had thought about how I wanted this birth to go and being at home as long as possible was the plan. Hospitals make my knees weak and my mouth go dry. I hate them. So if I could prolong the inevitable I was going to. When we got ahold of our doctor he said to take it easy and call back at one to report my progress. I couldn't believe it. I was in labor. My contractions were mild and I could go about my morning without too much discomfort. David and I decided to go for a walk to get things moving. We walked up really steep hills and talked about how excited we were. We were about to have a baby! That's so crazy. After our walk we met up with some of our friends at a coffee shop to kill time. I remember sitting there joking about the fact that I was in labor and hanging out with everyone. And every time I laughed a gush of water would escape. Good thing for huge jumbo pads. It was nearing one so we headed home and called the doctor. Since not much had changed he was concerned about infections. Once your water breaks contractions have up to twenty four hours to start or infections can happen which is not good. And if they don't start medical intervention happens. I wasn't against interventions, but I really wanted to have everything happen naturally(i mean who doesn't?). A c-section really scared me and so did pitocin. Our doctor said to meet him at the hospital at four so I could be closely monitored. At this point I was in a la la state of mind. I really thought that this labor thing is pretty easy. I could handle this. Total dummy. I had know idea what I was in for! David and I packed up our fur babies and drove the thirty minutes to my parents house to drop them off. My dad was home waiting for us and it was nice to relax with him before heading to the hospital. Then it was time to go. He hugged and kissed me and I let him know we'll call as soon as there's news. And we were off. I didn't think much of going to the hospital. I actually thought we were going to see the doctor and he was going to let me go back home and return when things started to happen. Again such an idiot. I strolled into the hospital carefree and casual, leaving all our bags and wallet, and everything in the car. The nurse admitted me into a room and asked if I wanted a robe or to stay in my clothes. Wait? What?? Why would I change into a robe if I was just going to change back to leave? You probably think I'm a dummy right. My exact words were " wait, I'm here to stay?" and the nurse laughed and said, "ya, you're not leaving without a baby!". Crap. My plan has been derailed. Instant freak out. But really what was I expecting? Who knows, but I think right then this was all real and there was going to be a baby coming out of me that I was going to take home forever. I bent over and cried. This was just the first of many breakdowns to come in the next twenty four hours.
So the next eight hours are uneventful. I was just sitting in a hospital bed bored. The fetal heart rate monitor strapped to my belly itched and my hair smelt bad. Why didn't I wash it and style it when I was at home? In hindsight I would've done a few thing differently. Trying to sleep was a joke. Someone was always coming in and checking something and my nerves were making sleep really hard. At one in the morning the nurses were ordered to start me on Pitocin. I dreaded getting that stuff. I had heard horror stories of Pitocin and how crazy your contracions can be. I was scared. Pitocin is synthetic oxytocin. Oxytocin is the hormone that makes you contract. A normal and crucial part of labor. Without oxytocin you wouldn't contract or dilate. My body was refusing to contract and dilate. So they hooked me up to this thing with wheels and poked me with a bunch of needles. Being on Pitocin confines you to a three feet by three feet area. You have to be hooked up to the monitor the whole time and if you must use the bathroom you are allowed to unplug yourself, but only for a ten minute maximum break. Boo. Being confined in bed was the worst and if I needed to go pee David had to unplug what seemed like fifteen cords and push this massive wheeling drug distributing thing behind me. Annoying. I thought about just peeing in bed. On top of that when you're on this stuff you have to get your blood pressure read every thirty minutes. Talk about no sleep!
At eight thirty the next morning my mom showed up. It was so good to see her. The three of us sat around all morning. We watched reruns of the Office and Parks and Rec. David took walks outside and my mom read. So boring. Our doctor came in to check on me and was concerned that there wasn't any progress. My contractions were mild still. I was checked and they informed me that I was only dilated to 1cm. Not so hot. And I cried.
Around one in the afternoon while Davids family was visiting I started to feel uncomfortable. I was switching sides and getting out of bed to sit on my yoga ball hoping to get in a better position, but nothing was working. I told David that his parents needed to leave. I wasn't feeling normal and I wanted it to just be him and my mom. Soon after they left my contractions stared to really pick up. I was bending over the bed on that ball rocking back and forth. I had no warning or ease into this horrible pain. I literally went from no contractions to full blown hard contractions within fifteen minutes. Then the moaning happened. I turned into an animal in distress and there was nothing I could do to stop it. The only thing that sort of felt good was moaning. And biting Davids hand. Sorry David. I remember the nurse walking into the room and saying "Now that sounds like a woman in labor". Shizz. Not only was I moaning but it was loud. She told me that the Pitocin was as high as it could go and my body was responding fast to the medicine. I was having contractions on top of contractions. I would have about ten seconds in between these bad boys. The next few hours are a huge, painful blur. David and my mom took turns rubbing my lower back (Quinne was sideways in the birth canal and was causing bad back labor). I got up and sat on the toilet for ten minutes at a time. Laying on my back was the worst, therefore was on that ball for hours.
Sometime after five my doctor came back to check on me. I was at 3cm. THREE?!?! I was so sad and pissed. I thought for sure I was at a five or more. I had another breakdown. Hysterical crying that I couldn't stop. My doctor took my hand and told me that this is a long process and sometimes the baby doesn't move down and sometimes it ends up being a cesarean and blah blah blah... I had blacked out. Not really! I just felt so defeated I didn't want to hear anything he was saying. That's when we decided to get an epidural. Well I did anyways. David told me I was crying and saying I was a wiener for wanting an epidural. Over and over calling myself a wiener. If getting an epidural is being a wiener than I am a proud wiener. It saved my life as far as I'm concerned.
An hour more went by and when the anesthesiologist arrived I was so relieved. I had accepted the fact that this was happening and couldn't have been happier. But of course as soon as he leaves I realize it only worked on my left side and my right foot. Cool. Another hour goes by with awkward unsymmetrical pain. He comes back and injects a concentrated form of the drug right into the catheter. Bam! instant numbness. It was weird and sort of freaked me out. I thought that if someone were to saw my leg off right now I wouldn't feel a thing. So sick. What was cool is that my body was able to relax and therefore I was dilating quickly. Good news finally. After I barfed and then dry heaved for ten minutes of course.
The time is seven p.m. I called my sister and dad to say that this baby was coming soon. My sister opted out of being in the room when the baby came, and I totally understand. Then we called our good friends Amy and Taryn. I asked them to come. I was scared and wanted them to talk to me and reassure me. They both have two kids and I needed and wanted them there. And by eight they were in our room! Amy telling jokes and making everyone laugh. Taryn encouraging me and promising everything was ok.
Around nine thirty my epidural was wearing off and I could feel pressure and pain again. I chose not to push that button once I got that intense shoot up. I wanted to feel when it was time to push. I remember looking at Taryn and saying that there was weird pressure in my bum. Like I wanted to poo. She said that was good. We called the nurse and she informed me that I was fully dilated and asked me to do a practice push. Apparently I was good at pushing! She yelled at me to stop and not to push again. Our doctor was getting his scrubs on and they were still setting up the room for our baby. At this point I am so excited I can't handle it. They moved my bed so I was sitting up and took off the end of it to deliver this baby. Amy was at my head with our camera. She also put my hair in a pony tail to get it out of my face. What a sweet friend. My mom had my left leg and Taryn had my right. David was down by the doctor ready to help deliver the baby. When I was told I could push I pushed with all my might. I kept my eyes closed and focused on holding my breath and pushing. Taryn was counting out loud for me. She was constantly telling me what a good job I was doing. I couldn't have done it without her. I only pushed for thirty minutes. Then everyone was cheering. I opened my eyes to see David holding this tiny little person and bringing it to my chest. My mom was crying, of course and it all happened so fast. I forgot that we didn't find out what we were having and I didn't care at all at that moment. I was so happy to be done. I wasn't pregnant anymore. I could finally relax. People were yelling "its a girl!!!" and I was overwhelmed. I had a daughter. It was total joy. I was so happy to be a mom to a baby girl! (I secretly thought it was a girl the whole time ). Words cannot express what happens when you finally deliver your baby. Moms used to try and tell me how powerful it is and I would nod and say "oh im sure" or something like that, because I really didn't know. I didn't know that everything else in the world fads away. You don't realize your'e getting stitches "down there". You don't care that the nurse is tearing your shirt off so you can start breastfeeding. Or that you look like a puffy hot mess (well, not everyone does but I looked crazy). All that matters is that brand new baby in your arms. I will never forget seeing Quinnes face for the first time, touching those perfect small ears.
I'm incredibly blessed to have had the people closest to me in our room that night. It was a perfect night and I wouldn't change a thing about it. I would do it all over in an instant. I love that on Tuesday October 11th at 10:30 p.m. I became a mom forever. I love you to the moon my sweet baby Quinne...
If this chubby little body doesn't put a smile on your face then I don't know what will! We're doing this cry it out thing(yikes) and so I'm pooped. I don't have the energy to say all that much right now, but I will say progress has been made and I'm so relieved!
And a little(or a lot in my case) candy always makes things better...
Before I got pregnant sleep was one of my top three favorite things to do. Along with sipping dirty martinis with extra olives and being able to start and finish a book in a week. Sleep was something I looked forward to and took advantage of. I could sleep in until ten everyday if I could. There's something so magical about being buried in a pile of extra comfy blankets, pants tucked into your socks for extra warmth(is that something only my friend Taryn and I do??) that cannot be replaced my anything else in the world. If I was grumpy David loved to joke and ask if I got my full ten hours of sleep the night before. I think you get the picture, I love sleep. Beautiful, deep sleep.
Then I got pregnant and had insomnia. What a mean, horrible thing that is. I wouldn't wish insomnia on anyone. It messes with your head and makes you feel like you are going crazy. I would live in a foggy haze the day after a restless night. I hated it. I hated not sleeping and therefore was a giant jerk that cried all the time.
Present day. My five and a half month old doesn't sleep. I am going on a year of no sleep. I realize that moms everywhere are in the same boat, and I'm not a special case when it comes to sleepless nights. I'm just having an extra hard time dealing with it. I feel defeated every morning when I'm making a full pot of coffee for one. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong that makes Quinne wake up every night six or more times. Ya that's right, she wakes up on average six times a night still. We swaddle her with this crazy straight jacket blanket every night. She has her soothing rain noise playing. Nothing is working. She manages to break free from her straight jacket and I'm starting to think she has learned to block out soothing white noises. And when she wakes up she stays up talking, then crying sometimes both at the same time. I want to shoot myself in the face. It's a nightmare.
I know that all babies are different, but it seems like everyone I talk to tells me their baby has been sleeping since they were three months old or they never really had issues with sleep. Either they are liars or really lucky. I want to believe they are lucky. I feel desperate to figure this out and am tempted to start some sort of sleep training now. I have Dr. Weissbluths book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and have read most of it. He approaches sleep with a nice version of CIO(cry it out). I'm torn. The thought of her CIOing breaks my heart into a million pieces. Yet, thinking of her sleeping through the night and taking naps sounds pretty amazing. Major anxiety!! I want to do what is right for Quinne. I want her to learn how to sleep, and fall back asleep on her own, but are we ready for a strict method? Is she ready? I'm so confused. I'm trying not to be selfish when I weigh my options. I want to be a good mom. Selfless and patient. Strong and willing to do whatever it takes to make sure Quinne is ok. I'm just getting to the end of my rope.
I know that this will pass. At least I try to remind myself that when I'm imagining how satisfying it would be to throw our dishes against the wall. Every night when I nurse Quinne I pray for patience. I pray that I will have peace and love in my heart when I have to wake up in a few hours. I know there is a lesson in all of this, it's just really hard to see it when I can't keep my eyes open. No pun intended! What did you do to help your baby sleep better?
This week has been long and tiring. Quinne you started teething and now nobody is sleeping at night. It's a sad thing for you and for me. Sleep is something that I vaguely remember. Next week I'll tackle our sleep story, or lack there of, for now I don't want to think about it. Let's talk about food! You tried avocado this week and it was the funniest thing I've witnessed in a long time. I'm still not convinced you like it. You had some fun with Ella at Auntie Amys birthday dinner. And you were really feeling your polka dot bow this week.
Today we are doing some errands in the rain... Wish us luck!
Im not one of those moms who has it together. I'm clearly having a hard time balancing a baby, work and a house all at the same time. Its crazy over here! Sometimes I feel so defeated when I look around at the tornado that hit our house I don't even know where to start. And sitting on the couch eating chocolate chips while watching Ice Loves Coco isn't helping anything either.
I'm so pooped that when Quinne is 'napping' I just want to zone out. Or make a chocolate bunt cake (true story, it happened this morning). When Quinne is awake I want to spend as much time with her as possible. I don't want to miss out on anything she does. And these days she does new things all the time. I would kick myself if I missed her rolling over for the first time because I was polishing the dining room table. Not that I ever do that.
The chores can wait. They will always be there waiting for me. These days are for hanging out with my baby.
I can't believe a month has gone by already! It's been a really fun month. Everyday miss Quinne is doing something ridiculously cute, and my heart melts into a pool on the floor. I'm feeling more and more like myself too, which is a very good thing for everyone. Her sleeping hasn't gotten any better, and we've had some really hard days lately. Maybe she's starting to get some teeth? I know it will get better one day so I'll keep waiting.
growing baby: 17 pounds
26 inches long
hobbies: You can almost roll over. Lots of rocking back and forth still
You're laughing!!! Seriously the cutest thing I've ever heard
Stroller walks are one of your favorite past times
Your toes have officially made it into your mouth!
And still being oh so cute
One of the coolest things about having friends with kids are the hand-me downs. It's like Christmas everytime I get a paper bag filled with tiny clothes. And on top of that my girlfriends have some really cute clothes! Lucky little Quinney. I could go broke buying things for this baby, so one less thing for us to spend money on is probably a good thing. At least for our bank account anyway. Today we got a delivery from my friend Michelle who has two little ladies. So many cute things I was just too excited! Quinne played in her bouncer thing and I showed her all her new pieces. I think she liked them too.
babies with acid reflux can't have enough bibs!
baby jeggings?!? yes please.
Besides getting way too excited over baby clothes this week has been pretty mellow. I went through my closet and dresser to "spring clean". Now our room is a disaster. A disaster on top of a pre-existing disaster. Dang it! And I've been to the gym twice this week, and it feels really good. Perfect way to clear your head if you ask me. I'm still hoping to do a half marathon in April, so we'll see...
a few photos from our week so far...
the "cadillac" of bouncers according to my parents