insta(dad)gram

copycats 

I about died at work when I saw this

master of destruction

somewhere between Seattle and home

their afternoon at the park

lunch

walking!!!!!

She is on the move!  Over the weekend I was able to get some shots of this tiny walker.  Every time she would do something amazing I wasn't near my phone or it took ten minutes to get it to start recording.  Damn you iphone!  But it's so cute and crazy I hope you like.  

I tried using vimeo, but Davids away for work and therefore it didn't happen.  And the quality is poo,sorry.  

her favorite

Of all the people in Quinnes life she has a very special spot for my sister, her auntie Monique.  She loves her so much and it is one of the cutest things to watch them together.  Normally when she sees someone she makes that funny squished face and huffs through her nose fast, causing a great response from everyone around.  But with her auntie she squeals and waves her arms with such excitement you can't help but squeeze her from pure cuteness.  I'm not sure how she took such a liking to her, but she did and it's the best.  I'm sure my mom is secretly jealous!

It's particularly funny because Monique has never been into babies before Quinne.  She wasn't the type to babysit in high school, where I was practically begging uninterested neighbors if I could babysit for them.  And it wasn't about the money so much as the cool factor of being a 'babysitter'.  Reading way too many Babysitters Club books will do that I suppose.  Gosh I was so lame.  Anyways, Monique was more interested in animals than babies, and a bit of a tomboy.  Now she works with elementary kids, one on one with children with autism while going to school full time.  She is so busy.  We hardly get to see each other during the months of September to June.  It's so sad.  But this summer she babysat for us three days a week and bonded with little Quinney.  Now she tells me that she has Quinne withdraws during the week when she doesn't get to see her niece.  I love it!  Having my sister  close means so much to me.  I love that Quinne knows her and loves her.  I love that she will have a positive person to look up to one day.  And someone she can vent to about how lame and annoying her mom is.

Monique is in every way a cool aunt.  I can't wait to see what adventures they go on in the future and all the fun memories they will make together.  We love you auntie Mona!

Love,

Noelle

a little this, a little thats

sprinting

first mac and cheese. 

destroyer

I spy and baby

newest face

climbing and resting 

such a helper

cuddles

thrift store finds this week

anniversary flowers

dark hair again!

these came.  In the wrong size :( 

get better kit

Happy almost Friday!

Love,

Noelle

funkadoodle

Do you ever go through times when you feel blah and stressed and sad?  If you said no then you are a liar.  Or a zombie.  I'm in one of those funks and it's not the best time for this to happen.  Quinne is about to be one and I have no time to sulk around in my own unhappiness.  I want to be as present and on top of capturing her as possible and this feeling is not helping.  I don't want to go on and on about poor me rantings, but there are some things that are bringing me down and I have to get them off my chest.  And then maybe I'll feel better?  We'll see!

After I had Quinne I started experiencing extreme lower back pain that would send spasms throughout my back.  Twice at work it has thrown me to my knees in the most dramatic fashion causing multiple people to run to my side and carry me to a seat.  How annoying and totally embarrassing.  At the doctors she told me it could be a tumor.  Oh, no big deal just a tumor.  WTF?!?!  Not something you casually tell an anxious, tiny bit crazy new mom.  My life flashed before my eyes as I sat on a crinkly, cold piece of butcher paper in a dirty room.  I was at a real dr. office, I swear!  Time went on and nothing has helped.  Exercise, stretching, electroshock, ice, heating pads, so much ibuprofen it's nuts.  So now I have to get an MRI.  I'm nervous about this.  I'm claustrophobic and terrified of bad news.

Ever since having Quinne I tend to dread the "what ifs" in life.  I lay in bed and imagine people dying.  People that I love so much it hurts.  My family getting sick or hurt, David getting in car accidents(because I know how he drives), friends not being apart of my life anymore.  You name it I've obsessed over it late in the night.  My heart beats fast and I feel sweaty and sick.  But the worst fear of all is me not being there for Quinne.  It is my deepest, saddest fear.  Imagining her growing up without me is almost too hard to type out the words.  And it's selfish to admit.  I don't want to miss out on her life.  Because if she is this amazing at such a young age how cool and amazing is she going to be in ten years, or twenty five years?  I would be so sad if I never got the opportunity to see her grow up into the person she is going to be.  All the good, bad, hard and breathtakingly wonderful moments. 

I know that this this no way to live.  Living in fear that you will not be around for all the times you so dearly want to be apart of.  And I tell myself every time I start to panic and get ahead of myself that this is silly and a waste of time and energy.  But I swear once I start it's a vicious cycle and before I know it I've convinced myself that yes, I do have a tumor and Quinne will grow up without me.  There are so many things that happen to you after having a baby and I wasn't prepared for the anxiety and insomnia that I experience now.  I wish that I was stronger and able to push ridiculous scenarios and totally crazy thoughts out of my head.  I'm a major work in progress and hopefully over time these thoughts will dissipate into nothing.  I can only hope and pray when I feel sad and weak.  

In the mean time I'm going to up my hiking and outdoor time, which always brings a moment of clarity and a jump in my step.  Also I'm going to detox.  I eat way too many treats and need to get back on track with healthy foods.  I really notice  a difference when fruits and veggies make up most of my diet.  Enough of this downer of a post.  I need to snap out of it because I have a baby that melts my heart and wants to play.  

Love, 
Noelle

11 month update

Quinne I seriously cannot believe that you are one month away from being a year old.  ONE month!?!?!  I'm sort of freaking out.  I have turned my energy into other things to try and distract myself from the fact that it's a matter of days until you reach that pivotal moment in your life.  And not to mention that your dad and I have made it this far!

Weight:You are weighing in at about 22 pounds these days.  A very healthy baby you are.  I know that one day you will not have such prominent thighs, so I am cherishing every squeeze and kiss I can while they are still here.  Right now you are wearing 12 to 18 month clothes, more on the 18 month side of the scale.  

Teeth:  You have four chompers.  I'm sure any day now another will poke through, seeing that you are having some sleep issues and extra drool-y lately.  But you do love the ones you have.  Two on the top and two on the bottom.  The top ones are hard to see, but when they make an appearance it's the cutest thing I think I've ever seen.  Seriously who would've thought tiny white teeth could be so dang cute.  The only downside of these great accomplishments is in the nursing department.  Please stop biting my nipple.  Thank you.

Hobbies:  All I can say is busy busy busy!!  Quinne you do not stop all day long.  From the moment you wake up you are exploring the house like you've never been in it before.  Opening all the kitchen cupboards that I haven't safety locked yet, examining the dog crate, opening the back screen door, and playing the piano.  You work in a giant circle throughout the house, from one pitstop to the next.  I must admit that when you go down for your two o'clock nap I feel so pooped I have to sit on the couch and zone out for a bit.  Partly from crawling around on my hands and knees and partly from walking around bent in half holding your hands so you can walk.  I feel like the Hunchback of Norte Dame.  You can call me Quasimodo.  Most days we leave the house and go to the park, or beach, or anywhere to people watch and breath in some fresh air.  

Eats:  You are a little picky when it comes to food.  You love Cheerios.  If you could you would eat them all day.  But we must eat our veggies.  This week we started making you smoothies in the morning.  And boy do you love them!  We make them with spinach and flax seed and lots of fruit.  We all sit together drinking our smoothies before the day really begins.  Plus it's the only time you will sit on our laps without writhing like you are in pain.  So I take full advantage of your smoothie love, for my own cuddle love.  I'd say that's a pretty fair trade.  

We just love you so much Quinne.  Your da-da and I can't stop kissing you and loving on you (when you let us).  I'm reminding myself that this time with you as a baby is so short and quick.  Before I know it you'll have your own opinions and ideas.  Which will be wonderful and amazing, but I want to cherish these moments right now.  Because as we all know time only moves forward.  

I can't wait for you to be one.  Well, that's a lie.  But it will be so much fun that I do know.  
I love you Quinne with all my heart. 

Love, 
your mama