Figuring it out

When I started this little place I wanted to document Quinne of course, but I also wanted to connect and sometimes vent about parenthood.  It's hard and to write out what I'm feeling or going through helps so much.  I love to write and can express myself through writing much easier than in person.  Is that everyone?  Lately I've found myself conflicted about what to write about and what kind of blog I want this to be.  I have a billion thoughts racing through my mind at all times and I want to write some of those down.  Like when I get a new cookbook that is changing my life or that I want to jump in the car and keep driving until I'm in Mexico with a margarita in both hands because being a mom is really hard some days.  I go to write what  in my mind, will be a great post and that voice in the back of my head tells me it's a bad idea and nobody cares.  Nobody cares about your new sandals that were a good deal or the fact that Quinne is a mini monster right now.

Then it hit me that I'm still making decisions based on what people might think of me.  Fearing people not liking me or what I write about.  I have transported back to seventh grade.  I'm annoyed at myself for being insecure and silly.  I'm sad that I still care a little bit about what people think of me.  I have a husband and daughter, car and house payments, a job and friends, I am an adult.  I'm a grown ass woman!  I wonder why I still let my inner Jr. High me dictate what I do and say so often.

I'm making a change and I know it will take time to happen.  I'm challenging myself to do what I like and not live in this fear of not being accepted.  I am in control of my life.  What people think is their business and I have to be ok with that.  I am a good mom, wife, friend and daughter and that is enough for me.