The nanny

Do you ever have those moments when you look at youself in the mirror and its hard to see yourself for what and who you are? You catch a glimpse of yourself shopping at forever 21 and think "I shouldnt be shopping with high schoolers". Or when you start a new job, finish college, get married all moments you look at yourself with different eyes.  Do you expect to look different?  I guess not, but these big moments in life change us so much you almost hope you look different.  More confident, happier, professional maybe? 

For me I still look into the mirror at Target(of course) and think it's totally nuts that I'm someones mom.  I have been there baby-less and screamed in my head "You have a BABY!!".  Total weirdo, I know.  But the idea of me being a mom still scares me and is new in a lot of ways.  Each stage of her life brings new challenges and I'm not very good at rolling with it sometimes.  When I look at myself I don't see a wise, patient person.  It hasn't been something I embraced and accepted right away.  I've always loved Quinne, but being a mom hasn't been easy or fun for me at times.  Doing everything for her and making sure she is taken care of and loved never was a question.  I did what I had to do and wanted to do.  But the part where I take care of myself and embrace the new me didn't happen the second she was born.  Some moms feel the switch in an instant, some take longer and that's ok.  I'm still working on merging being a mom and staying myself everyday.

I'm not sure when I'll embody the idea of me being a mom.  Maybe it will be the day we go to the park and I don't feel like Quinnes nanny.  Or when I have more (one) and can offer more wisdom.  Maybe it will be the day when I say I have a kid and the person doesn't respond with a surprised reaction.  Then I'll be freaking out about the fact that I look like a mom.  Ha!