the end

Before I had Quinne I never put too much thought into breastfeeding.  I always thought I would do it.  No questions, that was what I was going to do.  It made sense to me to breast feed, save money and do what I believed I was supposed to do. I had know idea all the challenges and rewards that would come my way over the year.

To be honest the first month was a huge overwhelming challenge.  It hurt like hell and was the most foreign thing I'd ever done.  Awkward doesn't do it justice.  And my boobs were so huge Quinne choked and gagged eventually leading to a severe case of acid reflux.  I hated it those first few weeks.  Thoughts of quitting teased my daydreams.  Not having to wear a nursing bra, or pads with lansolin covering my cracked nipples.  It all sounded like heaven.  

But then something really great happened.  Quinne and I both started to get the hang of it.  We worked as a team and went from a scary long hour to a stress free comfortable one.  And eventually it went quicker and became more and more special everyday.  I was committed to nursing 100 percent of the time.  Which meant pumping, lots and lots of pumping!  I can remember sitting in one of the estheticians room trying to eat my lunch hunched over my pump while my clients processed in the other room.  It was hectic but it was what I signed up for.

And before I knew it she was one and I had made it a whole year of breast feeding.  Woo!  I'm proud of myself for this.  I had moments along the way that made me question whether I would be able to keep going.  Between my milk supply decreasing around six months, to a laziness towards pumping I surprised myself by powering through.  It was an experience I can't compare to anything else.  I'm so happy I got to nurse her as long as I did.  To be honest I miss it.  I miss that special time only her and I had together.  Part of me still gets a lump in my throat acknowledging the fact that I might never get to do that again.  Who knows what the future holds, Quinne might be the only baby I nurse.  If that's the case I'm so grateful for the time I got with her.  And so very happy I get to keep those memories for a lifetime.  

Quinne and I had an easy go.  From what I've heard from other moms breastfeeding can be so very hard and difficult.  Many moms suffer from breast infections, swelling, drying up, the list goes on.  My heart goes out to all moms who have ever attempted to breastfeed and had troubles along the way.  The fact that you tried and worked on it is a great accomplishment in itself.  Wanting to give your baby the best is what we all strive to do.  But just because your baby wasn't breast fed for three years doesn't mean you didn't give it your all.  There's so much pressure and judgement around parenting these days, especially in the first year.  And I've learned that what other families are doing doesn't concern me.  So don't beat yourself up about how long or short of a time you breast feed.  As long as your baby is growing, healthy and getting plenty of kisses it doesn't matter if they are nursing or drinking formula.  Being a mom is hard.  We shouldn't be measured by the timeline our babies were breasted.  

Love, 
Noelle