lessons in patience

When Quinne was about three weeks old she was diagnosed with acid reflux.  Something that I'm finding out a lot of babies have these days.  It's an extreme version of the usual baby spit up that dribbles down their chin after eating.  Acid reflux is a constant projecting spit up that can happen hours after eating.  Which means that you always have some spit up on you at all times.  And these days if I'm not totally covered I won't change my outfit.  Gross right?  Well, I'm tired of doing laundry and it's become my new fragrance of choice.  I get whiffs of it at work and get warm feelings inside thinking of my Quinne.  It's like she's at work with me, and not totally gross.  She has been on baby zantac for months and months now.  It's horrible tasting and she still cringes when we give it to her.  I hate that she has to have it, but then it really does help the discomfort  she is in so give it her we will.  Acid reflux usually leaves by seven months and she is almost six months so I'm really excited for this to be over.  I've been extra annoyed lately and impatient.  I know that she is a baby and cannot help it.  I'm not mad at her, I'm mad at the spit up.  It hurts her and makes me and our carpet stink.  

Last night was really bad.  I feed her in our bed at night due to the fact that I'm basically still asleep when I feed her.  David was out of town and so I was on my own to change her, feed her, and get her back to bed.  Gosh, when he's gone I realize just how much he does, and I'm so thankful for that.  The first  time I fed her she spit up all over my pillow and me.   I was so tired I just turned the pillow over and went back to bed.  Judge away, I was tired.  The second time she got the sheets and the top of the comforter.  Normally David will take Quinne and I'll clean up, but not last night.  I just moved over and went to bed on Davids side.  Needless to say I have to wash my hair today(dang it!) and our sheets I put on last night before bed are in the washer right now.  

Looking back I realize the lack of patience I possess.  I'm not a patient person.  I want instant gratification.  Quinne is teaching me things I didn't realize I needed improvement on.  Before she was here I was pretty selfish and totally impatient(ei. road rage).  I'm learning to relax and be calm.  Patience is a quality I want as a mom, in my relationship with David, at work and towards myself.  All day long I battle with my anxiety.  Anxiety I never had until I had Quinne, but that's another story for another day.   I've learned to take a second to calm down and realize that the world is not coming to an end because I have spit up all over me.  Somedays this is harder that others, but I'm aware now of my temper and attitude.  Which is really cool.  These are baby steps to becoming a patient and loving mom.  I know it won't happen overnight and that's just fine.   Thank you Quinne for opening my eyes to lessons I didn't know I need to be taught.  

Have a wonderful Wednesday