Wednesday, April 11, 2012

a milestone

Happy six month birthday baby girl!  I seriously cannot believe that you are six months, half of a year.  I'm sitting at the computer eating soup(it's cold and rainy outside) while you are taking a little nap.  I shouldn't confess to eating or drinking anything by the keyboard, the likely hood of me spilling something is quite large.  So it will be our little secret.  

Quinne turning six months catches me off guard and I feel very sentimental.  For the longest time I wished for her to be bigger.  A horrible thing to do, but it is the honest truth.  And now here we are and I'm just not sure I like her growing up.  Talk about a crazy mom!  I feel like I need a pat on the back for making it this far.  At times I didn't know how I was going to come out alive.  And here we are and you are amazing.  Everyday I fall more and more in love with you.  When I get home from work and she is already asleep I feel so sad.  All I want to do is  pick her up in my arms and hold her.  I refrain, since waking a baby for something other that an emergency is probably a bad idea.  Instead I sit on the couch and look through my phone at pictures of her.  A little weird I admit. 

I have turned into that mom.  That mom who is so in love with her baby.  A mom that is learning to stick up for herself and her baby.  Doing what needs to be done to make sure that she is healthy, and happy.  I am learning to listen to my motherly instinct.  It's a hard thing for me to say no, but I am learning boundaries day by day.  There's so much to reflect on and I know as time goes by there are going to be a million more amazing lessons to be learned.  For right now I feel so happy and blessed.  All the hardships and anxiety are not my main focus.  I want to deal with those when they need to be addressed, and try to focus on all the good.  I am far from perfect and struggle each day, but I try my best to be a good mom and wife.  I'm so excited for the next six months!  I can't wait for all the things Quinne will learn and try for the first time.  I feel overwhelmed that she is my daughter and I get to be her mama.  What a wonderful gift! 

Noelle (the mommy)

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